Reviewed by Lori Waters

The palpable sense of futility permeating Freihow’s Dear Gabriel in no way lessens this beautifully illustrated, profoundly moving dichotomous account of a father’s struggle to make sense of the disjointed life his family leads as they manouevre around the mental illness of a family member. The unpredictability of the boy -- at times loving and endearing -- at others incomprehensibly uncontrolled -- illustrates so well what must be such a desperately lonely and difficult life, where one has to struggle daily to find meaning. Halfdan’s responses to his son are achingly honest, ranging from open exasperation and anger, to tender love so gently expressed. The contrasts between the disparate emotional landscapes from bottomless despair to astounding triumph may bring many readers to tears, as may the portrayal of the clear, poignant descriptions of the very real, often trying, and painful existence autism has had on the life of his family. Not many will have had the extended life experience of parenting a human so oblivious, at times incomprehensible, and so startlingly distant – and few would be able to write about such an emotionally taxing futility with the patience, fortitude, and beauty imparted by Freihow. He takes us on his Norwegian sea treasure hunts, and shows us the beauty of his most beautiful but enigmatic natural jewel -- Gabriel. Dear Gabriel is an emotionally powerful read that gives us insight into a world few of us have the opportunity to experience.

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Reviewed by Christopher McEvilly

It has been a privilege to read this little book -- a book lovingly written by Halfdan W. Freihow whose son, Gabriel, has been diagnosed with atypical autism. Freihow and his family live on an island in Norway and he describes so evocatively their wild wind-swept coast. Dear Gabriel was nominated for the Brage Prize, Norway’s most important literary award.

Four or five years ago a delightful novel by Mark Haddon The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time introduced us to the world of an autistic child who narrated the story. But he was a savant -- who knows all the countries of the world and their capitals and every prime number up to 7,057 -- not a typical autistic child. On the other hand Gabriel has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in addition to autism, a combination that is quite rare.

Dear Gabriel was released early in 2007 but hasn’t yet created much of a stir, which is a shame. Part of the reason, I expect, is the difficulty in classifying the book and thereby marketing it.

The book purports to be a letter to the writer’s young son and indeed that is the form it takes. But the content says otherwise. I say that because I cannot conceive of a letter to anyone that repeatedly explains how the addressee was feeling at various times during these stories. In many ways it is written as a journal, trying to deal with the author’s personal issues both pleasant and unpleasant. But it is not a letter or a journal. It was clearly written with a wider readership in mind -- readers who need to improve their understanding of those with Gabriel’s disorders. It is a series of true short stories about life with Gabriel and what we can learn about his condition and his life.

Nevertheless, this is a book that will be of interest to all who have had to deal with autism, indeed to all who have an interest in the psychology of children in general. The clear love and empathy that Freihow expresses for his child and his various tender ways of coaxing him out his fearful or angry moments is quite inspirational. This is a moving story of how a father learns from his son’s fundamental otherness and copes with thoughts of his son’s uncertain future.

The book ends with a very useful appendix that explains in layman’s terms what autism and ADHD are and how common it is, using Canadian statistics, along with the addresses of three Canadian sources for additional information.

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Reviewed by Diane Pollock

This book will be a haunting memory, following me through the years.

Dear Gabriel is a book that gives one an open and honest glimpse into the life of an autistic child and the family that loves him. Gabriel comes alive for us as a full human, not merely someone defined by his limitations. Charming, aggravating, innocent he will find a place in your heart.

His father possesses a deep love for the child and a seemingly infinite patience. For all that, he too is only human, and allows us to see the pain, grief and anger as they burst forth from his faithful heart.

One of the truly special aspects of this book is that it does not spell out for you what Gabriel's "problems" are -- they are never labeled until the end in the Epilogue. This allows the reader to enter this world free of prejudice and preconception -- to come to know Gabriel as his family does.

For example, Gabriel is a very intelligent lad with a large vocabulary. But he has a need for precise meaning that others do not, and a misused word can cause him anguish. His family has learned to anticipate such problems and to try to defuse such situations. As his father is writing him this long and loving letter, he often adds parenthetical comments to explain figures of speech we would simply accept and never think twice about.

Gabriel can be delightful -- a child who is thoroughly immersed in his play . . . and then you realize that he does not understand the border between real and pretend. But with his father's help, he gradually comes to learn such things and attains a better understanding of the things we take for granted. The child desperately needs things to be the same, ordered, understandable. Ambiguity is his enemy.

The heartbreaking close of the novel makes one long to know that Gabriel is okay . . . that he has overcome his problems enough to have found a life partner . . . someone to share his treasures and his heart.

Father's Day will be here in the spring, and this would make a lovely gift for any new father, or for any parent struggling with a disabled child.

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Reviewed by Linda Horricks

Halfdan Freihow wrote this, his first novel, as a letter to his autistic son. He explores the many wonderful ways that his son is special to their family and their larger community. He helps up see the world through Gabriel’s eyes.

The love that Freihow and his wife have for their son is fierce and protective. However, he makes it clear that life with Gabriel is hard on so many levels, too. It is hard to watch how people sometimes judge his actions and make judgments about him, based on those actions. It is hard to help him understand the complexities of the world, as a father likes to do. It is hard to follow his routines, and have a “normal” family life too. It is hard to watch him have a meltdown. It is hard to hold in his occasional frustration with Gabriel. It is hard, most of all, to imagine how Gabriel’s life will be when they are gone and he is on his own.

He explores deeply what makes Gabriel’s thinking different from other children. Through this exploration, he and his wife gain great insights into not only Gabriel, but also themselves. The great effort he goes to in order to understand and help Gabriel find his way in the world with language and magical moments. Gabriel is clearly a very lucky boy to have such a loving, patient and intelligent father.

Their relationship is built on love, words, trust, and a magical fantasy world. It is clear how devoted this father is, and his devotion causes him to feel great sadness and also great joy in his son’s failures and achievements. We hear how the children and teachers at Gabriel’s school work with him to support and understand this complicated boy. There is one poignant moment when Gabriel attempts to win a track and field medal, and in the end, wins the cheers of his entire class. Not only is the author proud of his son, but his son’s friends, too.

The book also gives us a sense of Norway and its raw beauty. This is the country they live in and Gabriel was brought up in. He talks of explorers settling in their area, and imagines what made them do it. He clearly loves his surroundings and makes regular treasure hunting forays into the wilderness or across the water to nearby islands with Gabriel, to give him the fullest life possible. Gabriel clearly appreciates the stillness and beauty of their surroundings.

Freihow not only helps us see the reason Gabriel reacts to things the way he does, but also helps us see how using this information, can help Gabriel have a better life. He needs the support of his friends and community as much as he needs the support of his family. I can appreciate that any parent of an autistic child might have all their friends and family read this book to gain insight into why they handle their child the way they do.

I think Dear Gabriel will be appreciated by parents of autistic children, but should be read by all parents, too. It would be a very appropriate read also, for anyone who plans to care for or teach in an environment where there could potentially be autistic children. We can learn a lot from this man and his intelligent son, about how to interact and help autistic children find their best way in the world.

It was a very beautiful and heartwarming read and I wish this family well.

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Reviewed by Susie DeCoste

My favourite moments in Dear Gabriel: Letter from a Father are Halfdan W. Freihow’s affectionate descriptions of his son’s otherwise tiresome habits. He complains that Gabriel can easily forget the simple tasks of brushing his teeth or locking the car door at the mall; and yet, he somehow remembers, word for word, conversations that were not meant for his ears. Freihow’s portrayal of such instances turns his son’s exasperating habits into talents to be celebrated. Such is the magic of Dear Gabriel.

The book’s tone is so intimate and endearing that I feel like I’ve stumbled upon an actual letter, perhaps not meant for my eyes. Addressed to Freihow’s son Gabriel, Dear Gabriel chronicles the relationship between this father and son; a son who, we come to realize, has “problems.” These problems remain unnamed in the main text; it is not until we reach the epilogue that the medical and social labels of atypical autism and ADHD are revealed. The choice to leave out such labels allows readers the freedom to see Gabriel without analytic or preconceived lenses. Instead, we perceive him as his father does: as a vulnerable and intelligent young boy who seeks tangible and predictable signs of security.

This book is not merely about the challenges and victories of raising an autistic child; more accurately, it addresses human relationships in all of their frailties and intricacies. Dear Gabriel reads like a legacy that Freihow wishes to leave behind, a confessional of the lessons he has endured in his life and wishes to share. This legacy, though directed at Gabriel, is not necessarily for him; we come to understand Gabriel might be too literal-minded for a lyrical book such as this. Dear Gabriel, then, is a bequest to us, the fortunate readers.

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Michele Marques

Dear Gabriel is a memoir of the author (Halfdan Freihow) and his autistic son. Together, Gabriel and his father (along with his mother, sister Victoria, and dog Balder) live on the edge of a small Norwegian town, almost north of the tree line.

Unlike For the Love of Anne and some other nonfiction parent-child stories about autism, this is not the saga of a struggle to overcome the problems of autism.

This book intersperses descriptions of the harsh yet beautiful Norwegian scenery with episodes from the life of father and son. Most of the scenes take place over a few months, although a few flashbacks recount earlier stories, such as when the author and his family first moved from Oslo.

If you are familiar with autism, it will seem that Gabriel is high-functioning. He is able to go to school and seems to communicate a lot verbally. During his treasure-hunting expeditions with his father, playing pirate, it is easy to forget he is autistic. Until the next scene in which he might start screaming inconsolably.

His parents (at least his father -- the mother is barely mentioned) is tender, sensitive, and loving. This book could almost be about any tender father-son relationship.

This short book is a quick enjoyable read. I recommend it to anyone interested in autism, to people interested in the non-tourist areas of Norway, and to fathers and sons.

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